Poison Dart
by lossit.bay
Summary: 6 years after the movie. Clint and Natasha have a daughter called Philippa and at age four Fury thinks it is the perfect time for her to start her first mission.
1. Chapter 1

The two assassins swung their daughter up in the air between them while subtly scanning the busy square for their mark. He was a paranoid man and rightly so after stealing top secret information from S.H.I.E.L.D. Trusting only a handful of beefy goons, he was hoping for a quick deal today, landing him in a pile of cash that would enable him to jet off to a secluded part of the world out of S.H.I.E.L.D's radar where he could live out his years in peace. Knowing that S.H.I.E.L.D didn't train children- unlike many other secret services- he felt it safe to assume that the young families in the square posed no threat. Any wandering couples or people sitting in solitude however, no matter what age they appeared to be, were being watched closely by his men.

This was exactly the reason Fury had assigned this mission to Black Widow and Hawkeye. Apart from being two of the best agents he had, they also had a daughter, Philippa, and Fury thought at age four she was ready for her first assignment. Natasha, of course, had protested venomously and threatened to castrate Fury on the spot but Clint had seen the logic behind the proposal and after reminding his wife of the number of ways their preschooler could already kill a man she reluctantly agreed.

"Two o'clock." Natasha informed Clint quietly through closed lips as Philippa gave a squeal of joy. "Contact just sat down." Clint swung Philippa higher and turned slightly so they were facing the closest goon. "One." He squeezed his daughters hand tightly to let her know of the plan and she joined his countdown. "Two. Three!"

On the third swing the assassins let their daughter go and she went barreling into the goon. After biting him hard on the nose and kicking him in the groin, Philippa took the gun from his inside pocket and slammed the butt into his thick skull with a force and determination not normally seen in a child so young. The man crumpled beneath her and she landed on his ample belly with a broad grin on her face.

Clint picked her up with a matching smile. "Brilliant work, Pip." The two agents had managed to knock out or kill the five other bodyguards and Natasha now had the two dealers at gunpoint. She confiscated the pendrive and called for a cleanup squad. It had been a ridiculously easy mission but Fury had undoubtedly chosen it for that reason. If Philippa had been in danger at any point during this mission the assassins would have kept her out of assignments for at least the next ten years.

"Ah, the Bartons return." Tony Stark proclaimed from the sofa as the trio entered the living room, seemingly unscathed. "Did you get the bad guy, Pippa?" He asked the youngest of the three.

"Yes." She said with enthusiasm. "All by myself." Tony smiled at that but Philippa's parents were sending him angry glares. What had he done now? As Clint lead Philippa to the kitchen for her dinner he got his answer. "I thought we told you not to call her Pippa. It's a disgusting word in Swedish." Natasha chastised him as she took out the first aid box and applied antiseptic to a gash across her palm. "And in Italian!" Clint supplied from the kitchen. "And Polish." He added, trailing off as he realised how many languages had Pippa as a rude word.

"Just don't use that nickname." Natasha said as she bound her hand and threw the first aid box to Clint, who caught it without turning. "Even your son has learnt not to and he's only two."

"Max got his brains from Pepper." Stark muttered. "So what should I call Philippa then?" He asked.

"Pip." Clint said, breaking off the Russian conversation he was having with the four-year-old to answer. "That's what we call her. Isn't that right, Pip?"

"да" She confirmed, shoving the pasta in her mouth. Philippa had her fathers eyes and hair, much to his disappointment, but even at that age she resembled her mother. With her remarkable martial arts, multiple languages and weapons skills there was no doubt as to who her parents were.

"Uncle Stark, can I go play with Max?" Philippa asked as soon as her dinner was finished.

"Sure, honey. He's playing with the lego with Uncle Steve." Stark told her and the energetic girl ran off.

"Where's Bruce?" Clint asked, bringing Natasha her plate.

"Testing some weapon for one of you. No idea what." Stark said flicking through the numerous sports channels.

"It's not like you to be missing out on the explosions" Clint commented. Stark sighed.

"I know but with Pepper getting bigger by the day I said I would take over the paperwork." Tony gestured at the pile of files on the table with distaste. "I really can't do it though. That's why I hired Pepper, and you for that matter." He said, looking at Natasha. "Not that paperwork was your priority." She smiled guiltily at him.

"I do this work if you want." Natasha offered. "You look like you could use some rest and our mission wasn't exactly taxing."

"Really?" The poor man looked like he was about to break down and cry. He had probably been ploughing through the work all afternoon. "Thank you so much Natasha." He stumbled out of the the room, the lack of nickname betraying how drained he was.

Natasha leaned her back against her partner and opened the first file. Number crunching- great. She didn't get very far before he interrupted her. Philippa was really amazing today. Disabling a full-grown man with her bare hands and then knocking him out with his own gun. At four. Most kids can't even tie their shoelaces at that age." He went quiet and Natasha focused on her work again but it appeared Clint had had a brainwave and he continued. "She's like one of those frogs we saw in Suriname, the blue ones. They look cute and harmless but if you touch them you're as good as dead." Natasha's eyebrows rose. He was comparing their daughter to a frog.

"Poison Dart Frog?" She guessed.

"Yeah, Pip's a Poison Dart Frog." Clint decided. Natasha sighed.

"Just don't let Tony hear you say that. He'll make her superhero name Poison Dart, and give her a blue suit like the frogs, and make her poison arrows..."

"But Tasha, Poison Dart is a cool superhero name." Clint pouted.

"Clint, Philippa is four. She does not need a superhero name."

"Yet." He added with a grin.

Unluckily for Natasha, Tony had gone through the security footage to check on his son. He thought the Poison Dart theme was a fantastic idea. Philippa's 5th birthday was in June, just a few months from now and he thought a suit would be the perfect present.


	2. Chapter 2

The Avengers had had a hectic week. Not because the world had nearly come to an end- they could deal with that- but because of a series of everyday events that normal people took in their stride. First, Thor had arrived in his usual loud way. He clapped all the men on the shoulder and caught Tony off guard, sending him flying into the window where he promptly fell unconscious. With her well-known gentle touch Natasha slapped him across the face to relieve him and Tony didn't have the guts to question her methods.

The next day Pepper had gone into labour early and after a tense 24 hours the team welcomed a beautiful tiny redheaded girl into the world. "Ha!" Tony said, gesturing proudly at the child in his arms to Clint. "I got a redhead."

"Tony!" Pepper exclaimed from the bed.

"On your second attempt." Clint muttered, as Max was a carbon copy of Tony, only to be smacked over the head by his wife. "What? Our second child could have been a redhead. "He defended. The children were talking to baby Emily as she blinked at them from Steve's arms and were unaware of the debate their father's were having.

"Well, we'll never know so just drop it." Natasha said through gritted teeth.

"We could find out if I took Clint's blood sample." Tony wasn't giving up that easily.

"Tony..." Bruce could see just how close the two women were from committing murder and really wanted to avoid having to explain it to Fury.

"Fine." Tony said, taking Emily from Thor who was explaining to her the feast she would get on Asgard. "If you don't mind I'd like to be alone with my son and my beautiful redhead girls."

The Avengers filed out and Clint complained. "You let him win, Tasha."

Natasha sighed. Their four-year-old was more mature. "I'm sure if we could have another child their hair would be a brighter red than Emily's." Clint gave a smug smile, pleased with that thought.

By Saturday, Philippa's fifth birthday, the adults wanted nothing more than a quiet day in the tower but Pip was extremely excited and had woken at six with Max to bounce around the children's floor until the adults were up. Thor soon joined them and an intense game of remote controlled car racing ensued. Not understanding the technology Thor threatened to smash the car to pieces until Pip quickly stepped in and suggested a good old-fashioned game of children vs. god. Despite their age Pip and Max were extremely talented in martial arts, courtesy of the assassins so even without Pip's knives and bow they gave Thor a good fight.

By ten the rest of the tower was awake and Steve came down to announce that pancakes were ready. Thor was more excited that the children and raced past them to the elevator. "They will make fine warriors when they are grown." Thor told Steve not so quietly. "Already I could not fight them both fully-armed." Steve chuckled. They certainly would. Philippa had a combination of her parents skills and would probably grow to be more deadly than either and Max was already so

showing his father genius but without the reliability on a suit to protect him. He could only guess the skills baby Emily would possess.

After an insane amount of Bruce's pancakes had been demolished (mainly by Thor) Tony declared it was time for presents. From Steve Pip got a bound book of beautifully detailed sketches of the whole Avengers family. There was a portrait of each of them doing everyday things. Her mum reading with a frown on her face, her dad cooking and making a mess, Bruce tinkering with chemicals in the lab, Thor inhaling a pizza, Tony looking somewhat surprised with his face blackened by an explosion, Pepper painting her nails with her tongue out, Max hanging upside down on the uneven bars, Pip staring up from underwater in the pool and Steve, drawn in a different hand, amazed by an ipad. After that came group pictures. Natasha, Thor and Bruce playing cards, Pip and Max doing a jigsaw, Clint and Tony fixing a car and lastly, Pepper holding a sleeping Emily. Philippa handed the book to Max and got up to hug Steve, "thank you Uncle Steve."

Next was Thor who gave her an enchanted crystal from Asgard. It pulsed with different colours of light when squeezed and floated in midair. And if you sang to it while pinching it with two fingers it would repeat back to you when shaken. Pip made a mental note to get her mum to sing to it that night, preferably in Russian. Pip hugged Thor too, or as much of him as she could with her short arms. "Thank you Uncle Thor. It's so cool!"

Then Pepper handed Philippa a small blue box from her and Max. Inside was a silver necklace on a thin chain. The pendant was a tiny silver Avengers symbol. "Does this mean I'm an Avenger now?" Pip excitedly asked the adults. "At the minute, an honorary member." Clint told her as Steve clipped the necklace round her neck. "But you were awesome in Ohio so you can join in some of the time. The bad guys won't know what hit them." The adults had had this discussion about a month previously and had come to the conclusion that Philippa could tag along on the smaller missions. Normally the ones that didn't include a firefight- helping civilians off a collapsing bridge and things like that. She would also help the other children to be brave, not being a scary adult dressed up for war.

After thanking Pepper Pip turned to the small, shiny wrapped bundle on the table. It was her present from Tony and Bruce. "That's a very small present from Tony." Natasha murmured to Clint in Albanian so not even their daughter could understand. So far Pip knew English, Russian, Spanish, French and Mandarin but Natasha was determined to teach her more so her cover could never be blown. Clint made a noise of agreement and pulled the blue paint from her hair. They had only had the morning to complete their present for Pip and even after a hasty shower they were still finding paint splodges on each other.

Pip tore off the wrapping paper and frantically began jumping up and down. "Мама! Папа! Это костюм, это костюм! I have a superhero suit! ¡Me encanta! 我喜歡它! I love it! J'adore ça! Я люблю его! " In her excitement she started to switch languages but the rest of the team got the general consensus.

"No." Natasha whispered in Albanian, tensing in Clint's arms while still holding the happy grin on her face. "You told him?!"

"I didn't!" Clint replied in the same manner "Sneak must have overheard." And sure enough, Stark was sending them a very proud grin over the five-year-old's head. You're lucky I love her. Natasha managed to mouth before he and Bruce was bowled over by the hyper young girl. After hugging them to near death she asked "Why isn't it black?"

"Well you see.." Tony began. " After your wonderful mission in Ohio your dad commented that you were very similar to the Blue Poison Dart frogs your parents saw in Suriname. They look very cute and harmless but they give out a poison stronger that the Black Widow spider and all you have to do to get poisoned is touch them. The suit is like the frog."

Pip stared at the suit in awe before getting up and dragging her mother to the elevator. "." Come on! I want to put it on. Natasha sent Tony a glare over her shoulder before following her daughter out the room.

"I think it's great Tony but Tasha's going to kill you." Clint said once the doors were closed. "But no poison arrows until she's ten." Tony reluctantly agreed -he had been looking forward to that.

A short time later the Barton women returned, both wearing their suits. Clint gave a low whistle and Natasha silently pulled out a knife, giving him a pointed glare. Just because it was their daughter's birthday didn't mean she was above violence. He was lucky she didn't have her guns. Tony saw this warning and started to laugh until Natasha turned her head to look at him. He had a horrible feeling that he was more likely to get hurt than Clint. While that had been happening Pip had dragged Max and Steve to the elevator, intent on going down the gym to try out her present. The rest of the Avengers family followed

Coming out of the elevator on the gym floor Philippa ran into a series of frontflips before grabbing the lower uneven bar, swinging up onto and round the higher to finish crouched, grinning at them. "Can I fight? She asked the slightly surprised adults. "Who do you want to fight, honey?" Clint asked, already sure of her answer. Philippa glanced round the group, thinking hard. Auntie Pepper couldn't fight and she had just had a baby so she was out. Max was too young and inexperienced. Uncle Bruce didn't fight unless he was the other guy and though Hulk recognised Pip as family and wouldn't hurt her, it didn't make for a great fight. Uncle Tony didn't do fighting unless he could blow stuff up and he was far too easy to beat without his Iron Man suit so he was out too. Uncle Thor would just throw her around which was fun but didn't let her try out her new suit properly. That left Uncle Steve and her parents. While all three gave a good fight, one was miles better at the flips and twists of hand to hand combat. "Мама." Pip said, dropping to the ground.

They moved to the sparring mat and started with a few slow kicks and punches but quickly built up to an intricate dance. Soon Natasha was flipping her daughter over her shoulder and Pip was diving between her legs. Then Pip was being swung round her mother's head by her ankles, screaming in excitement. Natasha locked eyes with her husband and at exactly the right second let go, sending Pip flying into her father's waiting arms. She grinned up at him and tucked a knife into his belt. It was the one Natasha had threatened him with earlier- Philippa must have stolen it during the fight. She was better at fighting than she let on to be able to steal from the Black Widow mid-attack.

After Pip had bounced around the gym level with Max for half an hour in a surprising likeness to a frog Jarvis notified them that Pepper, who had left to feed Emily, had made lunch. Pip hurriedly hopped to the elevator, with Max trailing behind her. "You hungry, Froggy?" Tony asked her. Her blue-grey orbs stared up at him. "Ribbit." She replied.

"Is that a yes?" Tony smiled at her.

"God, Tony. Don't you speak Frog? Clint scoffed. Pip giggled from their feet and let off a series of ribbits. "I know." Clint said dramatically. "What kind of person doesn't speak Frog! It's insulting." Finding this hilarious, Pip continued to speak in ribbits for the rest of the day and it eventually became an inside joke.

During lunch Steve lent over and quietly asked Natasha if she and Clint had finished Pip's present. Natasha nodded with a smile. "We'll never get her to sleep tonight." The sandwiches finished she stood and helped Steve clear away the plates. "Pip. Do you want your present from me and dad now?" She said loud enough to be heard over Philippa' and Max's ribbit argument. Philippa froze- she had completely forgotten that she would get a present from her parents "да!" She frantically nodded her head, eyes lighting up. "Come on then, Froglet." Clint said, picking her up and walking to the elevator. "It's in your room." The rest of the team quickly followed, wanting to see the assassins handiwork and Pip's reaction.

Hawkeye lead his five-year-old daughter into her newly painted room with baited breath. He and Nat had started as soon as Pip left that morning and the team had worked to keep her occupied so she wouldn't notice their absence. The redecoration had been inspired by Pip's love of disney princesses, in particular Ariel. Tasha had wanted to encourage this normal girlish behavior since her own childhood had been stolen from her by the Red Room and so they had turned Pip's room into Ariel's cave. The walls were a dark blue and covered in circles of blue shelves for all her stuff. The ceiling they had painted to look like the surface from below and the floor was one massive pale yellow crash mat. This was because the shelves were sturdy enough to be climbed and a pale blue cargo net hung half way up the wall so Pip could float mid-water. The bed was a gigantic purple clam shell and on it rested a life-sized Flounder. The team was impressed by how quickly the assassins had worked.

Pip let out a squeal of excitement and immediately climbed up to the cargo net. "It's Ariel's cave!" She exclaimed as she rolled out of the net and ran to the bed, where she had spotted Flounder. "вам это нравится?" Natasha asked. "да,да,да,да,да!" was the response. "Я никогда не оставлю мою комнату!" Clint laughed at that and the rest of the team turned to him.

"Translation?" Bruce prompted.

"Tasha asked if she liked it and Pip said she would never leave the room." Clint explained. "You should all learn Russian, it would make things easier."

Switching to English so they wouldn't require translation Natasha said, "What about the gym?" Knowing how much Pip loved that floor. "Or the kitchen?"

"I'll spend most of the time in my room." Pip amended before following her father who had started to climb the shelves.

Reaching the roof Clint showed her sunken area in one corner. It was a nest like the ones he had built all around the tower and the shield base. Pip slipped inside with flounder and Max, whom Natasha had brought up. "Thank you Dad. Thank you Mum. This is the best birthday ever."

**Wow. I have never written so much in my life before and I still have ideas! I go on holiday on Friday so no internet for two weeks :( but hopefully I can upload another (short) part from Clint and Natasha's point of view about the same day 5 years previous before that.**


	3. Chapter 3

Later that night the two assassins lay in bed, utterly exhausted. "I can't believe it's been five years since you broke my hand." Clint commented, flexing his left hand in memory of the pain. Natasha laughed. "That was a fucking painful day." She remembered.

"Well maybe you should have taken some medication." Clint suggested.

"I was already weak. There was no way I was taking meds on top of that." She retorted.

"You could have at least screamed." He told her.

"And how would that have helped me?" She turned to him with a condescending stare.

"It would have made the doctors feel better. You weren't even swearing in Russian." Clint said, the surprise evident in his voice.

"I swear when something bad happens unexpectedly. I had an eight month warning- I kind of knew I was going to have to give birth at some point." Natasha pointed out. He laughed at her bluntness.

"Oh, you should have seen the team's faces when I went outside, Nat. They thought something awful had happened because you weren't screaming and I came out with a pained face. Then I said you and Pip were fine but I had to go for an x-ray. They were so confused until I said you broke my hand. It took them awhile to process then Tony just said 'That sounds like spidey.' Oh, it was funny." He shook his head at the memory.

"It can't have been as funny as the day we told them I was pregnant. I think we nearly killed Steve from shock."

flashback

Steve, Bruce and Thor when already in the communal kitchen when they entered. Natasha dropped her head to the table with a groan. "Have some coffee." Steve offered, pushing the pot towards the grumpy redhead.

"Can't." She mumbled without looking up.

"Why not?" Bruce asked, wondering if it was something to do with a mission she was going on.

"His fault." She replied, pointing to Clint who was making toast behind her. Their teammates turned to Clint, waiting for him to elaborate.

"I got her pregnant." He clarified. Bruce fell off his stool in shock and Steve choked on his cereal, turning blue in the face.

"Smooth going, Barton." Natasha deadpanned, sitting up and taking the the offered toast from him.

Stark chose that moment to enter the room, stifling a yawn. He had been spending most the night in the lab since Pepper was away on a business trip and couldn't drag him to bed. Seeing Bruce crawl back onto his stool and pat a gasping Steve on the back, he asked. "What did I miss?"

"Lady Natasha is with child." Thor boomed and Tony's eyes widened.

"You're pregnant? But I thought you couldn't..." He trailed off at Natasha's death glare. " I haven't read your file." He mumbled unconvincingly. Having a thought, he perked up. "So are the two of you- I presume it's yours-" He said to Clint who nodded with a smile. "Are you going to have a quick wedding before Red loses her wonderful figure or have a bastard child." Natasha frowned at the reminder that she would soon no longer fit in her catsuit but Clint just laughed.

"Tony, we're married."

"WHAT?!" Came the collective answer. The assassins had managed to surprise their team twice in five minutes. It was too much for Steve who choked again and sprayed the table with cereal.

"How long? Where? Does Fury know?" Tony bombarded them with questions.

"Three years, in Budapest. We only told Coulson but I'm sure Fury knows. There's not much he doesn't know." Natasha filled them in. Clint and crept up behind her and had snaked his arms around her, resting his chin on her head.

"So thats what happened in Budapest!" Tony burst out, the mystery had been bugging him for the last six months.

"Thats one of the many things that happened in Budapest, and no, I'm not telling you anything else that happened." Clint said with a glint in his eye.

"Was it a proper wedding?" Steve wanted to know.

The assassins laughed. "It was in the middle of a firefight. Coulson married us over the comms. Legal, if thats what you're asking but no paper trail." Natasha filled in.

End flashback

"We should go back to Budapest some-" Clint stopped as Natasha placed her hand over his mouth.

"Did you hear that?" She whispered, staring at the headboard. "Something clicked when you said Budapest." There was another click from the plant pot in the corner. Natasha whipped her head round to stare at it before slinking under the bed to find the source of the first click. A few seconds later Clint heard muffled Russian cursing as she threw a bugging device in on the bed. She scoured the room and found two more, destroying them with far too much ferocity before grabbing the third from him and throwing it at the wall where it broke into tiny pieces.

"I'm going to kill Stark." Natasha growled, heading for the door.

"Tasha," Clint grabbed her arm and pulled her down next to him.

"Fine." she consented, curling up next to him. "I'll kill him tomorrow."


	4. Chapter 4

One night, a couple of months after that crazy week in June Pepper gathered the Avengers at the kitchen table after the children had been sent to bed.

"The school term starts in a few weeks. Are you going to send Pip to school?" She directed this question to Clint and Natasha who were sitting to her left.

The assassins hadn't thought about this but no surprise showed on their well-trained poker faces. "No." Clint's voice was firm. "It's too dangerous,even if nobody knows who she is." Natasha agreed.

"That's what I thought you would say. " Pepper soothed. " In that case, Philippa will have to be homeschooled."

"Homeschooled?!" Came the collective response.

"By us?" Tony questioned skeptically.

"Yes." Pepper frowned at her husband's lack of faith. "I don't see why not. I know Pip will more than likely grow up to be an assassin or at least an Avenger and won't need half the crap she'll learn but she deserves a relatively normal childhood."

"So what's your plan." Steve asked, all business.

"Well with such a range of talents among us, I was going to allocate subjects and then make a timetable. Obviously when someone is away on a mission or whatever Pip will miss that lesson or get taught by someone else." Pepper opened a small blue notebook and began to read from the list she had prepared. "Steve- Art." He nodded. His birthday gift was just a small example of the work he could do.

"Bruce- Science." It was an obvious choice. Bruce was, after all, a scientist as well as a superhero. Tony however, wasn't happy.

"Why can't I teach science!" He whined. Pepper sighed- she knew this would happen.

"Your teaching Math." She placated. "And anyway, you can't be trusted in a lab by yourself let alone with a 5-year-old in tow." Seeing the truth in her words, Tony accepted this grudgingly but wasn't going to lose that quietly. "Can I at least teach the tech subjects in Middle school?" He had done a good job explaining things to THor and Steve so after a nod of approval from Natasha, Pepper wrote it in her notebook.

"I have Nat down for P.E and Clint for foreign languages but you'll probably share the two. I have no idea who is better at languages." Pepper admitted.

Clint nodded and Natasha asked him. "How's your German?"

"Nicht schlecht." He answered and they launched into a quickfire conversation in German. After a few minutes of rapid outbursts that left the rest of the team confused Natasha paused with a puzzled expression on her face. Clint gave a cry of victory on mimed shooting her head. It would have been funny to see him acting so childishly but everyone in the room knew a hesitation like that in the field and Natasha would have a real bullet throw her skull.

"Your helicopter is full of what?" SHe asked Clint.

"Eels." He explained.

"Because that makes sense." She grumbled.

"I fly helicopters and with all the fucked up situations we've been in having it full of eels isn't that strange." He defended. She grunted in response.

"So does this mean Legolas is teaching German?" Tony asked.

"Yeah." Clint confirmed. "I don't think there's much point in having P.E. as a subject though considering the amount of training Pip does each day." The team agreed.

"If I teach English, Nat can take reading. Thor, I;m really sorry but the only subject left is Music." Pepper apologized to the huge blonde man.

"That is not your fault, Pepper." He understood. " I am not here for great lengths of time with business on Asgard and visiting Jane it would make me a bad teacher."

" I don't suppose any of you are musical?" Tony asked, jokingly. He didn't expect any of them to have time for such a time consuming and useless hobby.

Clint and Natasha shared a guilty look. "I can't sing." Natasha admitted. "And play the piano."

"I play the guitar." Clint added. The team stared at them with open mouths. They had lived with the couple for six years but still the assassins surprised them. Tony threw up his hands, exasperated. "And when did you learn these skills? In the middle of a mission?"

"S.H.I.E.L.D. base." Natasha corrected. " I broke my leg and had two chest wounds when I started learning piano. For some reason the doctors wouldn't let me train and I had nothing better to do. Clint had a dislocated shoulder and 3rd degree burns when he picked up the guitar. It's a good cover on missions."

"You should her Nat sing. She actually had one man in Apeldoorn drooling. I managed to shoot down the targets bodyguards without him even noticing." Clint smiled at the memory.

"Will you sing for us, Natasha." Bruce asked.

She smiled. "Maybe one day." That was as good as a yes from the Black Widow.

**A.N. If you're wondering, Clint said "Not bad." in German. Or at least google translate told me that was not bad. And "My helicopter is full of eels" is genuinely the only phrase one of my friends knows in German. More soon- I just need to type it up and tweak it a bit.**


	5. Chapter 5

Pip's first day of school started like many others. After light training and chatting at breakfast she and Max followed Tony and Bruce up to the lab. This time however instead of exciting experiments and the inevitable explosions Bruce asked her to name the planets.

"Earth, Asgard, Mars, Venus, Jupiter, Saturn, Mercury... Uranus and Pluto!" She recited.

"Pluto's not a planet anymore, Sweetie." Bruce told her.

"But Uncle Steve says it's a planet!" Max defended.

"It was a planet." He explained. "But it's too small so it's not a planet anymore." Bruce showed them a hologram of the solar system, pointing out each planet.

"But where's Asgard?" Philippa wanted to know.

Bruce hesitated, not wanting to make the lesson any more advanced. "Asgard is in a different solar system. Most people don't know about it." He pulled up the hologram Tony had made with Thor's help.

"So it's a secret." Pip asked.

"Yes. You can't tell people Thor is your Uncle." The whole world knew about Max and Emily, what with Tony being a celebrity billionaire who loved to show off but so far Clint and Natasha weren't recognised too often by the general public and they wanted the same anonymity.

"So Uncle Thor is a secret too?" Max wanted to know.

"Well, not for you but he's a secret for Pip." Bruce realised that teaching was more difficult than he had originally thought. Kids were just far too good at changing the subject. Deciding that learning which planets were orbiting the Sun as enough for one lesson. Bruce sent Philippa across the lab to Tony before she asked any questions he couldn't answer.

Tony, determined to prove his responsibility, moved all the dangerous items out of arm's reach and then sat Pip down at his worktop and had her recite her numbers up to twenty. This took quite some time because though Pip obviously knew her numbers she kept switching from English to Russian. After a fourth attempt where Philippa only corrected herself twice, Tony decided that was a success.

Moving on Tony asked. "What's one plus one?"

"Two." Pip sounded bored. She reached for the solder and flicked it on absentmindedly.

"Two plus one."

"Three." She put the tips of her curly brown hair in the flame. Tony was losing focus himself and didn't notice. After going up to 'nine plus one' Tony started on the 'plus two's'. Eventually Philippa stopped him. "This is easy." She complained, looking up from the exploding arrowhead she was playing with. "Dad makes me do numbers when we shoot. We do taking away too." That explained her competence. The little archer had been shooting from the age of three, at least once a day. It was no surprize she could add and subtract so quickly.

"Two plus three?" Stark tested just to be sure.

After a small pause she answered. "Five." Crushing her burnt hair with the end of a pen.

It looked like Tony's work was already done for him. Before giving up he asked. "Have you done dividing yet?"

"No. What's that?"

Tony sighed in relief. He poured some nuts onto the table and separated ten in front of Pip. "It's splitting a number into equal groups. So ten divided by two is ten split into two equal groups. Can you do that, Kermit? Put the nuts into two groups, one for me and one for you." She did and looked up expectantly.

"How many do you have?" He prompted.

"Five." She stated.

"That's your answer." He smiled at her amazed face. Pip sat happily dividing things in the lab until they were called for lunch.

With Max and Pip explaining to Thor that he was a secret, much to his confusion, the other adults gathered to find out how Pip's first lessons had gone.

"Teaching science- no problem, I'm in my element." Bruce spread his hands to emphasise his point. "Explaining that one child is a celebrity and the other is effectively nonexistent... I'm out of my league." It was the elephant in the room they had all been avoiding. How do you tell two children that one can flaunt their life to the public but the other must lie, for their entire life, never letting anyone know who they really are? The children, with such a clear view on right and wrong would surely say the one thing that would punch adults in the gut- But that's not fair. And it wasn't. Life wasn't fair but they were far too young to learn that not everyone gets the same luxuries.

"We'll explain it tonight." Pepper promised though she had no idea how to even start the conversation.

"We will?" Tony squeaked, perfectly happy to run from the problem for the rest of his life.

"No." Natasha told them. "Don't tell Max yet, he's too young to remember, let alone understand. Clint and I will talk to Philippa though. She knows not to tell strangers who she is and who we are. It'll be easier."

Tony visibly relaxed and almost disappeared into his chair. "Red, what language do you think in?" He asked changing the subject.

"What?" Natasha mumbled through her mouthful of food.

"You're Russian but we're speaking English. Do you think in Russian and translate or think in English?" Tony explained his puzzlement.

"Was Russian." She emphasised her cut ties. "And I think in English, I think?" She said hesitantly, unsure of where the conversation was going.

"What about numbers?" He pestered. "What's 62-36?"

"Uh... 26? I did that in pictures not languages. Why?"

"Pip was getting English and Russian numbers mixed up."

"I'm not surprised." Clint said. "Tasha and I are always switching languages when we talk on our floor so we won't get caught out on missions. She'll have picked it up from us." He was dressed in S.H.I.E.L.D gear, having the joy of teaching new recruits that afternoon. Natasha hadn't taught for years since Clint discovered it gave her nightmares of the Red Room's brutal training.

"What language do think PIp thinks in?" Bruce asked.

"Frog." Steve joked. Pip loved to speak 'Frog' and would answer almost any question with "Ribbit". She was very good at varying her tone so most of the time she was understood better than if she was speaking Russian.

"Probably." Pepper rocked Emily as she paced back and forth in front of the windows.

"Pip," Clint called behind him. "What language do you think in?"

They held their breath as she swallowed the huge bite of sandwich before speaking. "Ribbit."

**A.N. I'm not going to go through the rest of the school subjects because I think that would be boring. The next one I'm planning is group weekend trip but it's really long so far so I might split it in half. In which case the next upload will be a filler chapter. I go on holiday again tomorrow for two weeks but I will have my laptop and I should find wi-fi so you shouldn't have to wait too long. Feel free to tell me if my standards are dropping and I'll work on it.**


	6. Chapter 6

Natasha landed the quinjet with a small bump and hopped out, leaving the disgruntled pilot in charge of his craft once more, He hadn't been pleased when instead of sitting in the back of like a good agent she had insisted on flying the jet herself. Knowing the Black Widow's reputation he had wisely given up his seat. Then after an eventful trip across the States she had flown directly to the Avengers Tower, ignoring orders to go back to HQ.

"Mrs Barton has just landed on the roof. She will be here in 5 minutes." JARVIS informed the occupants of the living room.

Checking his watch Bruce said, astonished, "She really did make back in time for dinner." Natasha had left late that morning to attend the garden party of a drug lord in Nevada, cursing Fury for his last minute missions and bad timing.

"Where's the sundress?" Thor asked teasing as Natasha arrived, bruised but not broken, dressed in sweats and a vest top. With nothing to do but wait for her return they had started a game of monopoly. Much to everyone's amusement, Tony had gone bankrupt first and was now out of the game along with his teammate, Max, Thor and Jane who was staying for the weekend and had been teaching the game to Thor.

"Ruined." Natasha confirmed their suspicions. "Don't do drugs, children." She told the younger generation seriously. "It makes your blood go runny and leaves an awful mess for your killer to clean up." They laughed at her unique add-on to the well-known phrase.

"How did you kill him?" Clint asked and held out a hand to Bruce and Steve who tried to subtly land on Oxford Street. Pip took the offered money and after carefully counting it gave them a disapproving look until they handed over more.

"Broke his neck." Natasha blew on Pip's waiting fist to give the dice good luck. "But the stupid man tried to shoot me first and hit himself in the leg. He would not stop bleeding. Nearly soaked through the fu- floor," She smoothly corrected before continuing. "Before I got him in the bathtub." Though the Avengers had agreed there was no point trying to hide their day jobs from the children they did refrain from swearing- at least in English.

"It's not like you to let a mark know of your intentions." Steve commented.

"yeah, well, I cut off the seduction as soon as we were alone- I think it might have given something away. Getting him to bed would have taken too long. And Fury wants a mission report tonight because I didn't go to base." She sighed. "God, I'm looking forward to this holiday."

Tony then yelled from the kitchen that dinner was ready . The game was paused and Philippa asked JARVIS to make sure it wasn't tampered with in her absence.

Dinner was a serviceable macaroni but nobody complained since Tony has made it himself from scratch for once. Natasha was bombarded with questions throughout the meal since she had left without having the chance to share the details of her mission.

"So what did the man do to warrant your attention?" Pepper asked, removing Emily's hand from her pasta. "I'm guessing it wasn't just cannabis he was selling."

"No." Natasha smiled ruefully. "That would be a job for the police. The party was a premiere for a new drug he was releasing. Designed to give the user the same high without the crash and undetectable once in the system. Unknown to him it had the ability to cause serious mutations. With the problems those people already had we were looking at a small army of super villains." That explained why Fury wanted Natasha. There was no room for error. If that drug had been sold The Avengers would be cleaning up the mess for the next year.

"Who made the drug?" Steve wanted to know. He was halfway through his massive bowl, needing a large quality to fuel his enhanced body.

"He did." Natasha expected their surprise. "The man was a chemist before he turned to drugs. S.H.I.E.L.D. secured his lab. They want you to look at it." She tossed a clear plastic pocket full of black and gold pills across the table to Bruce and Tony.

They were like little boys at Christmas. "Snazzy." Tony commented as he pulled a tiny capsule out of the packet.

"No work on the table!" Pepper reminded. "And you're not staying up late in the lab tonight. You can work on them when we get back." She quickly confiscated the capsules, giving Jane a tired smile to show that this was a regular occurrence.

The monopoly game finally ended later that evening with Pepper and Emily as victors. It wasn't a surprising outcome since the game was a simpler version of the job Pepper did successfully every day.

"The Stark name has been upheld." Tony proclaimed grandly.

"Thanks for your help." Pepper said sarcastically.

"You took our money!" Max defended his Dad.

"Yeah," Tony agreed. "You were the one who bankrupted us."

Natasha lent down to Clint and Pip. "How often did you cheat?" Often the couple played cards and poker (another useful skill) with both cheating extensively. They even banned the easier cheats like a second deck to make it more entertaining.

"Every single time." Clint replied. "Pepper's just too good at this game."

"I stole Max's 500's and he didn't even notice." Pip boasted.

"Well done." Natasha congratulated her and they followed the still- arguing Stark to the elevators and bade the rest of the adults goodnight.

**Sorry this took so long an that it's a filler. My next update will be a continuation of this one. I have future posts ready though so it should be quicker soon. I'm just having some problems with the time gap. I think Thor and Jane should be together but should they get married? Can they get married? Anyway, I don't know enough about Jane to wrote about her so she will stay a girlfriend in this story. Bruce and Steve will not have girlfriends/get married purely because I don't have they brainpower to come up with completely new characters or write about that many people at once.**


	7. Chapter 7

**I cant say how sorry I am not to have done this sooner. I personally blame the Scottish Education System for making Highers so difficult I have no free time. That said, at the minute I have learnt to manage my time better so I can finally start writing again. This is the next part of my Yellowstone holiday story. I really didn't intend for it to last this long but the characters (mainly Tony and Natasha) have too many insults to throw at each other. Enjoy.**

The next morning the Avengers and family climbed aboard their quinjet and Clint set course for Wyoming. "Arrival at Yellowstone National Park in approximately two hours thirty minutes." He informed them. Tony had wanted to take his private jet but since that required a runway the quinjet won on practicality. That didn't mean it was comfortable. The assassins had 'bagged the comfy seats' but considering they were the only two that knew how to fly the jet there wasn't much Tony could do about it. They rest of them were crammed on the benches in the back.

Two and a half hours later the jet touched down on the bright green grass in front of one of yellowstone's nine lodges. Tony had booked out the entire place and encouraged the staff to leave for the weekend with a generous cheque. All they had to do was act normal and hope nobody recognised them. This was easier said than done for Thor who though now spoke at less conspicuous volume, still had the tendency to behave strangely and attract unwanted attention.

The first night, the Avengers and extended family gathered round a rather exuberant fire that Thor insisted on making when he heard of camping traditions. Before anyone could stop him he had raised Mjolnir and set fire to an entire tree, still standing. Tony had to quickly cut it into small pieces and form a passable campfire before someone called out the fire brigade. They sat a good five metres from the blaze, toasting marshmallows over a small branch that had tumbled out the pire. Tony had wanted to start a game of truth or dare but with children present that had been refused by the more sensible members of his team. Instead they told stories of their past- though there was little that hadn't already been shared. This quickly turned to a game of Ask the Assassins as they were the most secretive people and had by far had the craziest lives.

"How many languages can you speak?" Steve asked, something they would be comfortable answering. Clint blew out his cheeks at the size calculation needed.

"Lots?" He said with a laugh. "Ok, let's think. "English, Russian…" He started, counting them off on his fingers. "German, Spanish, Mandarin, Arabic, Albanian. I know Polish from the circus. Tasha?"

"Yeah, my Polish is not bad. And we both know the basics in the scandinavian languages. I know quite a few more. Does sign language count? And morse code?"

Clint clicked his tongue in a series of dots and dashes and Natasha laughed musically, burrowing her face in Philippa's hair, who was sitting in her lap.

"What is it?" Bruce asked.

"Inside joke." Clint said with a smile. "'Catfish' will mean nothing to you."

"Care to explain?" Pepper prompted and the others leaned closer too.

"We were in Bolivia, undercover as plumbers…" Clint began and even the children were listening, having subconsciously picked up that this was going to be an epic tale.

The next morning Bruce was up first and he set about making sandwiches for everyone. He didn't even need to ask to know what everyone would want. Steve was a plain ham sandwich kind of guy, Natasha liked chicken salad and Pepper prefered egg mayo. The more childish members of the team- Clint and Tony- had PB&J and chocolate spread respectively. Thor, as usual, had one of each kind to satiate his hunger. Jane was always happy with ham and cheese, the same as Bruce himself and the children were prepared are variety to squabble over. At only one year old Emily didn't eat much anyway.

One by one the group trickled down the stairs to join Bruce and until only the assassins were missing. "Dibs not waking them!" Tony yelled.

"I also do not wish to wake our friends from their slumber!" Thor boomed, though how anyone could sleep though his foghorn of a voice was a mystery to Tony.

"I made lunch." Bruce made his excuse. "You're up, Cap."

Steve groaned but rose from his chair. "You do realise they could kill me? The Other Guy has a much better survival chance." When Bruce stared him down, Steve turned and walked slowly up the stairs. Ten seconds later he was hurrying back down them with a frown on his face.

"They're not there."

"JARVIS where are-" Tony's call was cut off as the front door slammed open and the panting couple burst into the room. "Never mind." He muttered.

"And where did you pair go gallivanting off to?" Steve asked in his best impression of Pepper's parenting voice.

"Running." Natasha stated simply. "The same as we do every morning."

"You're on holiday!" Tony protested.

"We need to keep fit." Clint reasoned. "And we're not getting any younger." That was a personal jab at Tony. Both Natasha and Steve had serum to keep them young, Thor was thousands of years old anyway and the Hulk didn't let petting things like age stop him. Clint and Tony however were almost biding their time until their children could take over.

"It's not like we're holding you up." Natasha said as she quickly braided Pip's hair. "We'll be ready before Cap is."

"Hey, I just have to put my shoes on…" Steve trailed off as he noticed that his shoes were not sitting next to the door anymore. Natasha flashed him a smile and raced Clint up the stairs to the shower. "Bloody assassins." Steve muttered as he got up out his seat to begin his search.

Ten minutes later he and the rest of the family had given up so Natasha, now dressed for the day out pulled them out for under the table.

"What?" Bruce asked in confusion and ducked his head under the table. Taped to the underside were two guns and a knife. "Really guys? Is that necessary? We're in the middle of nowhere and you live with the Other Guy, a God, a super soldier and Iron Man. Not to mention the fact both of you can kill almost anyone on this planet with your bare hands. You still feel the need to hide weapons under the table?"

"Yes." Grumbled Clint as they filed out of the lodge. "It's a lifelong habit thats saved my life on more than one occasion. I'm not about to stop now."

"No weapons today though." Pepper was adamant. "Either of you. This is a holiday not a mission. Hand them over." The assassins knew better than to argue with her and each removed a couple of handguns. Natasha then took out four knives, so quick only Clint knew where they were coming from. When Natasha crossed her arms he coughed and she drew one final blade, thin and metallic, from her hip. She threw it with expert precision through the slit of space in the slightly-open window, into the living room and they set off.

"Basically, Yellowstone could erupt at any time and would mess up most of the States and Canada. It would affect global warming and have consequences for the whole world and there is nothing anyone can do to stop it." Steve summarized from the noticeboard.

"Some people say it has the potential to wipe out the human race." Bruce supplied.

"If it does erupt, you are all welcome in Asgard. We treat our warriors well." Thor assured them.

"It's a nice thought." Clint lent over for a better view despite the barrier. "The world could end any day and there is nothing we can do. We'd get to sit back and panic like everyone else."

"That's morbid, Clint." Pepper told him.

"I see where he's coming from though," Bruce said. "For once, when the whole world is freaking out, I'd get to see what's going on instead of the other guy. Even if all I saw was a dark cloud of ash coming to suffocate me."

"At least all of you get to do something when the aliens attack." Pepper complained. "I have to wait for hours, not even knowing if any of you are going to survive."

Tony put his arm round her and the subject was dropped.

**If you have any ideas or criticism please comment. Any feedback is great.**


End file.
